Cultural Differences. Relationships in Canada

One statement about Canadians and some other western people I found I hear a lot is that people in individualistic countries are colder and reserved. It might seem that way. However, what people don’t understand is that their view on relationships is very different from those in collectivist countries.

In some eastern countries stable relationships are somewhat expected due to societal rules. For generations relationships were built and held together based on duty, loyalty to the group, respect for elders and selflessness.

In the west these terms exist but not to extent as in collectivist countries. Everybody must be respected. Three-year-old kid must be respected the same way an older person would be. Rights and concerns of each individual matter. You must deserve the love and respect through your actions.

It’s not easy to form deep connections in the west. People sometimes spend years dating before committing to marriage. Or years living together before deciding to have kids. Relationships are more fragile so paradoxically people devote more effort and energy in maintaining them.

Canadians have priorities and boundaries built around their relationships. Value for privacy, personal space and autonomy is what builds these boundaries. Personal relationships are the most important ones. Expectations from your life partners are somewhat higher than in collectivist countries. Nuclear family models are much more common. The nuclear family is a family model where husband and wife work as partners and take care of their children together. They still have the support of other family members, however not to extent as in collectivist countries. Main reason nuclear family model is practiced more in US and Canada is because countries are large, and people rarely live in the same city, province, or state where they were born or where their family and friends are.

Personal relationships must be the most satisfying ones where you meet most of your needs for deep friendship, emotional connection, and intimacy.

Once people have a family most of their energy is put into relationships with their spouses and children. Everybody else comes after. Friendships in Canada are not usually the same as in Azerbaijan. Friends are friends, not family. Colleagues are colleagues, not family. Family is a family. Friends are people you hang out with sometimes and have fun. Colleagues are mostly people you work with. Yes, friends and colleagues can become a deeper connection but not to extent as in collectivist countries. You rarely would see Canadians hanging out with colleagues on the weekend or even organizing corporate event or parties on the weekends. The weekend is for quality time with family and close friends. Canadians don’t like staying late at work or work on the weekend once they have a family.

Boundaries can exist within the family as well. A lot of locals live in bigger houses where children have their own rooms and grow up with more autonomy. In a way this model works great as it creates a drama free and peaceful environment for individuals to develop in their own way. Seeing how some men and women in Canada evolved in their partnership is fascinating. They almost seem to be different kinds of species. Understanding of children’s nature is increasing more and more as both parents learn to understand children better. Parenting is improving day by day.

Spending quality time with your family in the west is so important that reaching "perfect" work life balance is becoming an ultimate goal. That’s why you hear that people in Europe want to shift towards working 4 days a week. When you travel to Europe or North America on Sundays a lot of places are closed. And in some countries people take the whole month of august off from work. Overworking ourselves and neglecting some of the most important relationships in our lives doesn’t get us anywhere good. And westerners have known it for a long time.

All the benefits from this model are reflected in western societies today. However, you need to know it’s not all “roses and butterflies”.

Although individualism works for a lot of people, it can be difficult to maintain in today’s world economy. A lot of families work hard to keep their heads above water. Women and men struggle with high societal demands set for them. Some children struggle too. The number of psychological diseases and disorders are growing in both adults and children every day. So is the use of antidepressants, other psychotropic medications, and recreational drugs in a lot of western countries.

Relationships Canada